MY GIRLFRIEND IS STARTING TO LEAVE HER PERSONAL THINGS AT MY PLACE . . . AND IT'S FREAKING ME OUT:
My girlfriend and I have been together for about eight months.
--She spends the night at my place sometimes, and recently, I've noticed that she's leaving more and more of her personal things there.
--She leaves face wash and makeup in my medicine cabinet . . . she bought a bunch of food for when she stays here . . . and she's asked me for her own dresser drawer.
--I feel like she's moving way too fast. The next thing I know, she'll probably want to MOVE IN with me.
--Is eight months too soon for her to be leaving stuff at my apartment? I don't leave anything at her place. Does this mean she wants to move in with me?
Tim, 29
6 comments:
I think "Tim" should get over himself. If 8 months is not too soon for her to be spending the night, then it is not too soon for her to be leaving a few things there. If she is spending the night during the week and has to get up to go somewhere early, then she is not going to have time to go back to her place to get changed and showered. Also, if he was willing to pick up food items that appeal to her, then she would not feel the need to bring them and leave them herself.
I mean, just because he is willing to spend the night at her place and leave the next day looking and smelling like a sailor back from 3 days leave, doesn't mean she wants to.
Tim, it's time for you to grow up because if it's not too soon for you to sleep with her, I don't think you should have a problem with her leaving personal hygiene items in the cabinet. Don't be so full of yourself, Tim.
Desirée Brooks
I guess if your getting cold feet abstinence is the only way to cool things down. Just and idea. You can't seemingly lead someone on and then put the brakes on when your not comfortable. Are you using her just for sex and don't want the emotional attachmen? If you are, you are a pig and she should know better by now.
Not knowing your circumstances or past, I understand why you might think this is moving a bit fast. But really, it's just a matter of convenience that she's leaving things at your place.
Girls/women tend to have more products then men and it can be an inconvenience having to carry them back and forth all the time. I'm sure she'd welcome you leaving a toothbrush, deodorant, socks, etc ... at her place for your convenience.
My thought is that if this is really bothering you, maybe she's not the right girl for you. For both your sake, a conversation about relationship expectations is most likely in order.
Gee, I wouldn't even want to continue "relationship" with a guy like that, who only wants occasional sex delivered to his door and then expects the girl to get out! I hope his "girlfriend" reads this, realizing just what kind of "gentleman" this guy is, packs her stuff up and RUN .. FAST!!!
Tim,
It is my opinion that being ready to take more serious steps in a relationship, (such as having a drawer and some things in their partner's place, or moving in together etc.) comes at different times for different people. I personally feel that at 8 months I would feel comfortable in leaving some things at their respective partners palce. Depending on the relationship or my partner that readiness might even come at 6 months or maybe even 3. I myself do not correlate spending the night together with keeping things at the other's place, I feel that someone can spend the night much earlier in the relationship than taking a more serious step with having a little tiny bit of the other person's apartment with their things in it. My suggestion wouldn't be to just assume that because you're uncomfortable that the two of you are not a match, or that there is anything wrong with you as a partner. I would just say that if you're uncomfortable right now and unhappy with the situation, it is for the best to talk to her. She might not realize how you feel. Once you have that conversation I'm guessing it will either go one of two ways. You two will come to a compromise that can make you both happy, or you will part ways because you want and are ready for different things in your life right now.
Hope that helps.
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