Friday, July 24, 2009

Opposite sex, opposite views.....

ANNOYING FEMALE BEHAVIOR (Lemondrop.com)

Wearing skintight black leggings as pants. Certain intimate contours of your body should be a precious secret between you and your lover (and gynecologist).
Twirling your hair. Is that supposed to be cute? Because if so, here's a news flash: Unless you're 3 years old, it's one of the most inexcusably annoying habits in the universe. We'd rather date Sinead O'Connor than suffer through a relationship with a chronic hair-twirler.
Using the phrase "mani & pedi." Let's forget the wrongness of having some poor Asian woman slaving over your cuticles. The expression itself? Not cool. It makes dudes retch.
Smoking. Sure, it's a crap habit for both genders, but there's something especially boner-crushing about female puffers. Also: it'll make your lips look like a cat's anus by the time you hit 30. Forewarned!
Pretending you're Carrie Bradshaw. Everyone has sex! Tons of people live in the city! But unfortunately, your mundane bedroom escapades don't deserve their own beloved HBO sitcom. Put the Cosmo down, take a deep breath, and start over.
Believing that knitting is sexy. You're shooting for that Tina Fey 'hot nerd' vibe when you whip out the crochet gear. But guess what? It makes us think of sex-starved librarians who own too many cats.
Buying thongs. Unless you're a stripper in New Jersey, these shouldn't have a place in your wardrobe.
Getting tattoos. Ink should be reserved for men -- preferably men who are members of biker gangs, bass players in punk bands, or who have killed people in prison.
Pretending to be lesbians when you're drunk. Unless you're prepared to go the full Ellen, you forfeit the right to hump your girlfriends on the dance floor. "Tequila made me do it" will not hold up in a court of law.
ANNYONG MALE BEHAVIOR (AllWomenTalk.com)

Empty containers: Men have a habit of leaving empty containers everywhere but in the trash! This starts when they share student accommodation, and have to replace anything that they finish.
Leaving hair in the sink: Whether they are shaving, or malting, they never pick their hairs out of the sink, in a silent revolt against having to look clean and respectable.
Using ten cups, instead of one: It just defies male logic to use the same glass when they can get a clean, sanitized one for each drink. This leads to a sprinkling of dirty glasses all over the house, and no clean glasses when you actually need one.
Selective hearing: Well we've all experience this one, so the best way to cure it? Drop some bombshells when you think he's no longer paying attention. "I'm pregnant" tends to work wonders! After a few shocks, he's sure to get the hint and stop his mind wondering.
Not doing housework: This one will be slightly tougher to solve, so try negotiating. Agree that if he runs the Hoover around once a week, you'll greet him from work with a bacon sarnie, or let him watch the rugby without interrupting.
Burping and farting: The easiest way to solve this one would be to adopt the habits yourself, but if your much too ladylike for that, remind him that you'd be so much more likely to seduce him if he could be discreet.
Absolute helplessness when sick: Man flu is alive and prospering in men these days, so when he gets sick, expect him to need the same treatment and attention as a child.
Channel surfing! Take the remote control away from him, or threaten to cancel the cable subscription.
Wearing the same old thing over and over: Many men have the strangest attachment to some weird looking old piece of clothes they just wouldn't let go off. It might be old sneakers or a terrible T-Shirt with an offensive message.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Ha-ha-ha!!!!! This is priceless!LOL