Dear Brad, Peter and Moya,
I'm struggling with something and I need to get a few more opininions. My wife and I agree that your listeners give some of the best advice we've heard.
Here it goes. My wife and I have always dreamed about traveling to Italy together . . . but I get almost no vacation at my job, so we haven't had a chance to do it yet.
--My wife gets a lot more vacation time than I do . . . and since she never takes any of it, she has a TON of days built up.
--Now one of her girlfriends is planning a trip to Italy, and asked my wife to go with her. My wife's tempted, because SHE has the vacation time to do it.
--She's said she won't go if I don't want her too, but I really don't have the heart to say no.
--Do I just have to man up and let her go on our dream vacation without me?
--David, 38
20 comments:
I agree with Moya, the first time travelling somewhere so special is always better with someone special.. if she goes without him it just won't be the same for her or for him when he gets to go.
If it is your dream vacation as a couple she should never have put you in that position, simply tell her you have no problem with her taking other vacations other places but this has a special place in your heart and you see it as something you will do together, she should understand.
I think David's girlfriend should go away on her vacation but NOT to Italy...change the location and save Italy for another time.
David does get vacation just not as much as his wife. So my question is what's preventing him from using the vacation he does get to go on their dream vacation?
I suggest he tells her he'd prefer they go together and to sit down and make the plans then and there. If he's not able to do that, it probably will never happen and he should let her go.
Will she be able to live with herself upon her return. This is their dream trip. She will have all these memories and experiences that were not shared with him. How can she talk all about her experiences and see his face. I am sure with a smile but having his dream unfilled leaving him empty inside. She might beatup herself after the fact. So,in order to save her from herself, say no.
If he can't save up enough vacation, he should take a leave of absence. How long has he been putting this off??
Take it from someone who has recently gone on a vacation without their significant other... don't! I went to the Dominican in February with my mother, and yes I had a great trip, and my fiancee did not kick up a fuss or anything about me going... but I felt so guilty getting excited to go and talking about it when I got back that it took all the fun out of the trip. After the trip was over I wished I had waited and went with him.
Come on Brad and Peter, think about what your dream vacation would be, Australia, a cruise to Alaska, New York - you and your wife have looked forward to this trip and talked and planned - now she has the opportunity to go without you. Seriously! Seriously? You would say, ah go ahead, we'll do it again another time.
It will never be the same the next time - for her or for you. You won't have the 'first time' experience together. The travelling to the destination, the feeling of being in that dreamed about place, seeing the sights together, making memories.
My husband and I went to Italy together - it would not have been the same if one or the other had already been there. I have been to NY, and when we get the chance to go together I know I will want to show him the places I've been before, we won't be exploring NY for the first time together.
As wonderful as the opportunity to go to Italy must be for his wife, if it were me, I would have said thanks, but no thanks - my husband and I are going to explore Italy together.
Now David, start making plans!!! Book a date, even if it's two years away. Make your dream trip come true!
I think she should go to Italy. Life is too short to be waiting as you never know what is around the corner. She could be waiting for years before he is able to go, and that is years of her life that she could have been traveling and experiencing life. I'm sure they will travel together at some point, but in the meantime he cannot expect her to wait for him.
i am 43 have been married for 22 yrs. marriage is like a team. Their is no "I " in team.you do not leave a man behind.
I think he should let her go... I let my fiance go on a trip to Vegas without me... we had been planning it with his family for awhile but when the time came the trip was too pricey and I couldn't get the time to go so he went without me...I was envious that they all got to go on the trip we planned but he promised that we would go together sometime in the future... just recently a deal came up on a trip to Vegas and we snatched it... it was amazing because I had my own personal tour guides with me, we went with his sister and brother-in-law and had just as much fun and ended up doing alot of things they didn't get to do the first time so it was a whole new experience for all of us. If he lets her go and they do end up going to Italy together then he'll only have the advantage of having someone along who knows where the best places to eat are, what is a waste of money to do, and to experience new adventures with.
Too often, I see women on tv who have given up things in their lives for their husbands and children. Why are women expected to always make sacrifices? I feel sorry for these women.
I agree with one other comment here. Life is too short. I think she should go to Italy. They can plan a dream vacation somewhere else when he can actually get time off work.
I think she should go.
I have been to Italy on 3 different occasions and had 3 different experiences:
One: when I was 12, with my family
Two: when I was 20, with my best male friend I was backpacking with
Three: when I was 25 I went for my birthday by myself (I was living in Europe, so this was a short trip)
All three trips were to the SAME country but they were all very DIFFERENT.
I am 27, I have been to 17 countries, many of them more than once, and each time it has been a different experience, not better or worse but different.
You see Italy will always be Italy. The things that change are your state of mind, who you are with, the time of year, where you stay....and so on.
I think conversations such as this one I heard on my way to work this morning reinforce why I am single - life is too short to have someone else steer my life for me.
Sorry David but let go. I hope you get to go to Italy at some point. I hope your wife goes with her friend.
Cheers :)
If your wife is ready to go without you, it's an indication of a weak marriage. I don't think it's right at all! David, take it as a warning sign, but say "NO"! ... and of course, start planning to go on that dream vacation with your wife ASAP!
DO NOT LET HER GO!Italy, romantic city,MEN! Temptations might be there.Will she let you go with your best friend.
I think you should let your wife go on the trip. Life is too short, and although your hope is to one day go together, what if that day never comes.
She will have an amazing experience with her friend, and if you do eventually get to go together, she will have a completely different experience with you. Taking the trip with her friend will not take away her experience when she goes with you. Furthermore, she'll be thinking of you the whole time wishing you were there with her!
My dream for the last 20 years has also been to travel to Italy.
My beau of 2 years told me when we met, that he too has wanted to see Italy and his travel experiences far out-weigh my own. So you see, this definately fueled my yearning to go there even more.
How long has David and his wife been together? My question to him is: was it his dream or her dream originally or, was it thought of/dreamt of at the same time?
I convey that 'life is too short' to wait for the perfect timing opportunity - it may never happen. Even if it did happen, what's the chance it would coincide with affordability?
Timing is now! Tell your wife you are desperate to fulfill your Italy dream together & it wouldn't be the same for either of you to to without the other.
Let her designate your next vacation date n o w...for Italy!! Then, you can both take this opportunity to plan a fantabulous, romantic trip together.
Your wife's friend will certainly appreciate where you're both coming from...and the friend could share her Italy experience with you both, after she (and someone otherwise) returns, by recommending places to see/things to do!
Of course you realize that I am now living my dream vicariously through the comments on this page !!
Brenda T.
Wife of David (and David)
Please don't go.... I have had many dream vacations in my head over the yeas, but being married to a sailor I never got to take them.... and every time he would come home I would want to go somewhere and he would say I have been away so much I just want to stay home (it caused alot of stress in our marriage) I can remember my mother saying to me about 10 years into our marriage.... MARRIAGE IS A COMPROMISE... I never really thought much about it until 1 day I realised that my hubby was in the military and went away and stayed in the navy to be able to give me a better future. So I shut my mouth and carried on.... Now 24 years later we get to travel all the time and we have gone on our dream vacation and believe me it was worth the wait..... So hang in there, it will be worth it!!!!!!!!!!!
It sounds like David is never going to get vacation because of the type of work he does.
Yes, his wife SHOULD go with her girlfried. She is being kind asking for his permission.
There is no rule saying she can't go with him on another trip to Italy if he ever has the time! As a couple they will find many things to do that she didn't want to do with a girlfriend. She will also do things with her girlfriend that wouldn't necessarialy interest her husband. GO GIRL!
My husband traveled Europe without me when we were still newlyweds and he was navy. Should he have stayed on the ship because I wanted to see Europe too? Of course not! We will go together one day too.
I feel that if David really wants to go on this dream vacation with his wife then he needs to make it happen now. It's not realy fair to deny her the opportunity to go if he is not really serious about putting a plan in action.
Life IS too short and if you are always putting things off then they will never happen. If he truly wants to do this dream vacation with his wife, rather than her doing it with her girlfriend, he can and should make it happen.
But he needs to do it now not after she has lost the option to do it with her girlfriend. If he cannot do it now (or at least do the planning to make it happen in the next year), then he should be happy for her and wish her a great time in Italy.
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