SHOULD I LET MY FIANCÉ INVITE HIS EX-GIRLFRIEND TO OUR WEDDING???
My fiancé and I have been going over the guest list for our wedding . . . and we've already hit a snag.
He dated a woman for five years, and almost married her, but they broke up a few years ago.
She's still single . . . and she's still close to my fiancé's mom.
I don't want her to be at our wedding because I don't want my fiancé to see her and start thinking about all the good times they had together.
Am I being shallow? Should I let my fiancé invite his ex-girlfriend to our wedding? Would other women be comfortable with it?
--Dana, 33
14 comments:
Are you kidding??? I can see her thinking maybe she should give in if it was one a crazy family member or one of his buddies (male or female) that she wasn't keen on having at their wedding but an ex-girlfriend?? There's really no reason to have his ex there. Their wedding is a celebration of THEIR relationship which is something that should definitely be celebrated without the presence of ex-girlfriends or ex-boyfriends. When I remarried, it wasn't even a condsideration to invite our ex-spouses and we both have children from those marriages. It would be weird and inappropriate! (Although my ex-husband wanted a piece of our wedding cake!) The bride should be able to relax and enjoy her wedding day (so should he) without the added stress of having the ex there. Weddings can be stressful enough as it is!
Although I do think there is no place for ex's at a wedding, especially those that are still single.....I did however have one of mine at the wedding! He was a short relationship (but the one right before meeting my husband) and he ended up being our caterer because he is now a professional chef, and because he was a friend of my husbands we both still had contact with his over the years and there was never any odd feelings...and the funniest part was that my husband thanked him for breaking up with me because he was lucky enough to then date me and marry me!!!! Well I straightened out who broke up with who through my laughter and we had a great wedding!
However both of us had ex we dated for many years and needless to say they were not there!!
Rae-Leah
You have said the ex is still close to your fiance's mom....is he still close to her? I have an ex who I dated for two years and am still very good friends with. I would invite him to my wedding should I ever get married, but anyone I was with would know that we were friends anyhow. If she & your fiance have not maintained a friendship since they broke up why would he even consider inviting her! Your fiance has chose to spend the rest of his life with you, not her. If he saw her and started having thoughts about all the good times they had together then he doesn't deserve you in the first place!
If you don't trust him enough to have his ex at the wedding, then why are you marrying him?
I don't think it is a matter of trust in this case... I think it is a matter of inappropriateness!
Weddings are stressful enough - how would he feel if the shoe were on the other foot?
Personally, I think it's inappropriate unless they have children together.
Dana, you are definitely NOT shallow not to allow his ex at the wedding! That is just mean of him to even suggest something like that! He better straightens this out right away!
If she is that worried about him "seeing" this girl and having those thoughts of the past she has alot more to worry about than if she should be invited to the wedding. My question should there be a wedding.
Heather
It is inappropriate under ANY circumstanses!
I dated my ex for over five years and lived with him for three. When we split there was no drama, we just decided this wasn't the life long relationship either of us was looking for but we still liked each other as people and remained friends. Two years later I met the man who is now my husband. I told him about a month in that my ex was one of my best friends. Though I think it was a bit weird for him because it doesn't happen like that often, he trusted me and that meant everything. We have been married for ten years now and yes my ex was at the wedding. My husband and he are now friends too and they actually hang out even when I'm not around. We all have a past. Accept that and trust that he is marrying you because he loves you. If he wanted her he would not have "almost" married her. Relax. It's your day, no one is going to be thinking about her and your soon to be husband will think you are an amazingly evolved and mature woman for being okay with her being there.
If his ex is a nice and considerate person, she will NOT WANT to be at the wedding, because she understands that might make the bride uncomfortable!
So Dana, don't worry about becoming "amazingly evolved and mature woman", cause you probably are .. your partner is the one who needs some maturing to do! Strange suggestion on his part!
I think think everybody's ex situation is different and cannot fit in a box. No one is thinking about the guy and how he feels. I am going to assume since you have agreed to marry him that he is a great guy and you love and trust him very much. If he and his mom are still friends with her and he has no reason to have bad feelings towards her, then why can't he invite her. She should be treated no different than any other female friend. If he wanted to be with her he wouldn't have asked you to marry him. However if he is only asking cause his Mom wants her to be there then I say, no, and let the Mom go to her house and spend the day with her and don't come to the wedding. I have an ex who is now only a friend that I would like to share my big day with and I would be very hurt if my 'hubby to be' was so unsure of my love and loyalty that he said NO! So, go ahead say no but just realize that some people can be friends with their ex's. The fact that you don't think that is possible might indicate to your fiance that you don't even trust yourself. But in saying all that if you don't like her for personal reasons other that jealousy than I don't think she should be at your wedding. Just my rambling opinion.
I think he is a dork for asking you in the first place if its okay to ask an ex to come to your wedding. It is your special day for the two of you. Not a display of all his previous conquests.
I sort of wondered also if the mother had a play in this request.
Dump him! It's very disrespectful, not a good way to achieve a healthy start in your womderful lives.
Claudia
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