We received this email from Tracey this morning. She needs your help.
Hey guys,
Where's Moya? I have a question. I just finished my undergrad degre at Dalhousie and am going to grad school in the fall. I need a place to live near campus. My guy friend and his friend need a third roommate to lower their costs. I will have my own room, of course. I want to live with them, but I'm engaged. My fiancé will be leaving for UNB and is 4 and 1/2 hours away. He says it's out of the question to live with guys. What do you and your listeners think?
Signed,
Confused (Tracey)
9 comments:
I think Tracy should look at it from her fiancé's point of view. How would she feel if the situation were reversed? What if he were to live with two old "girl" friends? I don't think it's a matter of trust as much as human nature.
Just tell the boyfriend the two potential male roommates are gay.
Well, this is difficult. I am engaged myself and I think I would be on the same boat as your Fiance. I dont think I would want my Fiancee living with other guys when I was 4.5 hours away. BUT if the apartment is an exceptional deal and you just cant pass it up explain that to your Fiance and hopefully over time he will accept it. However, if you can find a one bedroom apartment or share an apartment with some of your girlfriends then I would probably suggest doing that. It will create alot less stress. But that is just my opinion. Hope I helped.
I think she needs to determine the basis of her finace's decision. If his arguments are valid, then I think it would be responsible to look elsewhere.
If his arguments are ludicrous (you'll cheat, its too tempting, etc), then he just needs to man up and trust you.
Seriously, you wouldn't want him to share his living space with two other girls, would you? Especially if you are engaged .. I am surprised you are confused about it at all. If you love your fiance, even suggesting that you move in with two other guys is wrong.
I would not advise moving in with your 2 friends. I can definatly see where your fiance is coming from. It doesnt even have to be that he things you would cheat on him. But being away from him all year long and living with two other guys...well... I know I wouldnt be comfortable with my fiancee doing that. And if it bugs him enough it may lead to a rocky road ahead. So if I were you I would play it safe and get a bachelor apartment by yourself to make the distance easier on your relationship.
i wouldn't do it, just for the fact i went through just about the same situation, except now i am married and my husband still has trust issues when he sees or hears about the other roommate.
If he has trust issues now they are not going to go away simply because you decide to live alone or with "girl"friends. You will have to live with this ridiculous insecurity of his for the rest of your life. It can cause a lot of resentment on both sides. I would almost consider rethinking the engagement. You can't just NOT do things to please him all the time.
I personally have had both male and female roommates. I much prefer having a male roommate since they seem to be easier to get along with. I have to say that if your fiancee is having this kind of trust issues now then your in for major trouble, especially if you marry him. If you don't have trust then you don't have a relationship. I would have no problem with this sort of thing even if reversed. As long as the people you were going to room with were nothing more then friends then your fiancee needs to grow up and be a man. If he can't do that then I would suggest not only taking the room but giving him the boot as well. Do you realy want to have the rest of your life controlled??? Don't EVER let a man tell you what to do, where to go, and who your friends should be. Trust me, you will lose more then your freedom, you'll lose yourself as well.
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