Dear Breakfast Club,
I'm calling out to C100 listeners for help.
Two months ago I became a single dad and I have to admit I don't know what I'm doing.
My twelve-year-old has been begging me for a cell phone . . . because all his friends have them.
I've talked to parents of these kids, and they say it's great . . . because you can keep in constant contact with them.
In my mind, a twelve-year-old is WAY too young to have a cell phone. I think the earliest kids should get one is when they turn 16 . . . because they can drive.
How many other parents would recommend this? Should I listen to my friends and get my twelve-year-old a cell phone for safety reasons? Or am I right in thinking my kid is still too young?
Thanks for your time,
Gerald
21 comments:
I am a divorced mother of 2, 18 and 23 years of age. Approx. 8 months ago my boyfriend moved in and he has his children every second weekend. ( son 15 and daughter 12). Both of these children have cell phones, as does my boyfriend. Here's something to consider.. the ex wife can call constantly day and night.. over the most ridiculous, miniscule things. The daughter calls her mother constantly... reporting everything that is said in the privacy of our home. It makes it EXTREMELY difficult to bond with these children under these conditions; and causing difficulty in the new relationship; because of constant interference. The daughter misplaced her phone for approx. a month and it was the most peaceful month we had together. I do feel the mother should be able to contact them at any time, but I feel this is needless excess and she should do it through their father.
I am thankfull that I am a stay at home mom. I have a 14 and 12 yr. old daughters. my 14 yr. just got a cell phone. I figure it will be useful in high school. As for my 12 yr. old, she will have to wait. At 12, there is no where she is that I dont know about, thank God. Sometimes I let her borrow mine if she is somewhere with friends like the mall or away overnight. Other then that, there is no reason for her to have one. My 14 yr. old really doesnt need one either at this point but she is responsible. What ever you do, dont listen to other parents, listen to your heart. I dont agree with alot the young kids are doing today and I find parents go along with it because it is easier. it is really hard now but they will thank you when they get older. I say to my kids about cell phones, hair color, peircings, etc. When you can pay for it and upkeep it, you can have it! I dont want my kids to be lost adults.
I agree with Gerald,even though my ex didn't agree with me. Both my daughters got theirs when they were 10 and 12, from their dad without my knowledge or permission. They are 13 and 15 now and they are not responsible with them, my oldest lost hers twice and her dad replaced it both times,(can you say "spoiled"). She is addicted to texting her friends and her grades were falling, spending more time with her phone than doing homework,breaking school rules trying to use it in class, and hiding it under her pillow and texting through the middle of the night. I've had to make more rules to compensate. *sigh* Just because "all" their friends have one is no reason to buy them.If all their friends jumped off a bridge.. would they do it too?:-P I haven't found it to be a necessity, my kids are always at a location where they can use a regular phone,ie. school and friends homes and when we are at the campground or at a park we use walkie talkies.Much more affordable. I think kids should have an income to help pay the expenses related to their cell use, teaching them some responsibility and when they start driving at 16 it would be safer for them, in case of an emergency, as you suggested.I think parents are too eager to "keep up with the Jones's" these days... and I take my hat off to you, Gerald, for not just going with the norm and buying your 12 year old a cell, just because "everyone else" has one. I hope this helps. Good luck with your decision. Sincerely, Dawn from Lower Sackville
I got a cell phone for my daughter on her 16th birthday. She wanted one earlier so I think she appreciated it more since she had to wait for it. I also made sure I knew where she was and who she was with up until that age (still do). At 16 though you have to start giving them some freedom and with the cell phone we can still keep in contact.
Angie C
This is a loaded question...
Personally my mother didn't let me have one until I could sign the contract myself (19)
Second. I'm a coach, and I spend a lot of time with kids teaching horseback riding lessons, and the children with cell phones drive me nuts! One minute I'm trying to teach them something on the ground, and the next minute they're texting and not paying attention.
I don't think they should have cell phones until they can have their own contract. If your child drives let them borrow a phone when needed.
This one came in via regular email but we're posting it on In Studio.
Hi,
I don't think an age is the way to chose. I've been a single parent for 14 years. My oldest got his first one when he was in grade 9 as a reward when he needed to wear a retainer (cause I couldn't afford braces) and it worked...he has beautiful teeth on a pinto budget. I soon realized how much it made my life easier as I worked full time in the city so I got my youngest one by grade 7 or 8 (can't remember now he is in grade 11). One thing I'll say is the youngest is/was more responsible than his older brother and took better care of it. To this day thanks to text I can reach them at any time. My deal is I pay for the basics and they pay for the bells and whistles but if ever I am calling or texting they had better answer and if they didn't they'd lose the cell. It never happened and now the oldest is entering 3rd year engineering at Dal and the youngest will graduate from high school in honours as well.
Sometimes it just depends on the kid but it has been my life saver in more incidents than I can say as a single parent and I did it way before all the kids had one.
I think you need to consider why it is needed? Do they just want to sit beside their friends and text them? It is ridiculous what technology is doing to our children. Often, I have helped grade papers for students in Jr. High and High School.. exam papers with words spelled wrong.. using "text language" as the language of choice. It outrageous!!
Second.. are they going to pay for the ramifications? For instance: Downloading music, games, ringtones etc.. is it their responsibility?
I think an emergency phone, possibly a "pay as you go" could be a simple solution later on, but for now.. a 12 year old should NEVER need a cell phone.
If they can afford it, pay as you go.. and if they go over.. so does their allowance etc etc.
Given that option.. i believe the 12 year old will also realize a cell phone is not needed at this time.
When my son was 13 1/2 we gave him a cell phone for Xmas. It was only a basic phone, with 3 months of unlimited texting which, unless he paid the 20.34, directly to the phone bill after the 3 months, was to be disconnected. This meant he actually had to go to the outlet and pay it. It was not long before he had flyers out to neighbors to do ANY odd jobs, when he was fifteen, he got a job and never has he NOT paid his share of the bill. If you want to teach your children responsiblity, I think this is a great way. You have to be prepared to carry out the consequences though. Usually, if the child/teen realizes the value of the item, they will do whatever they can to keep it.
My 10 year old daughter has been asking for a cell phone as all of her friends have one. Well good for them, if their parents can afford to get their kids cell phones than all the power to them. I think she is too young personally. If she goes to park in our neighborhood with her friends I give her my cell phone and tell her if anyone is hurt or in trouble to call me. My husband and I have our cell phones and we have them for emergencies (in case the school or the kids need us) we barely use our phones but if the car were to break down, etc it is good to have. A lot of parents are buying their kids too much these days. Ten year olds do not need cell phones, flat screen tv's, laptops, etc in their rooms. They need to learn to be responsible, have open communication with their parents and know that there are consequences for their actions. Our children know that we struggle from paycheque to paycheque and can't afford to purchase them all of the items that their friends have. My children (9 and 10) are very responsible and have been told for years that I am not the maid, I work full time and that if we all work together we have more time for fun. Most of the kids hang out at our house and I enjoy that as I get to know all of their freinds, know that they are all safe and having fun. Cell phones are not a necessity and if children are honest with their parents than they will know where they are, who they are with, etc.
My oldest daughter didn't get a cell phone until she was just about sixteen. My youngest who goes to a school downtown (we live in the suburbs). She got one when she started grade seven because I am not near her when she gets out at 3:45 p.m. and if there's a sports event she is playing in, I have to know who she is with and afetr school hours I have to be able to contact her if necessary. She has never physically lost her phone - 2 years later still has the same one but I have taken it from her if i found an inappropriate text or if someone continuously calls her who we don't know. In other words when she got the phone - it came with a lot of strings attached. The same with her computer, hers sits right next to ours and we monitor everything that goes on. I have all her passwords and I regularily check on her. She's aware of it and is careful.
My advice to the guy who has the 12 year old - ask yourself if it is worth the cost and is it really necessary? In our case it was justified with her being away from us during the day. In school they are not allowed to use their phones and we support the school's threat that they are taken away if they are used.
Good luck and if I were you, I'd say no for now and if you do, make sure there are lots of strings attached to it!
I am a parent to a 13yr old. I gave my child a cellphone for practical reasons at the age of 12. It is "a pay as you go" so you are not connected to a contract. It is a great tool for contact and also serves as an avenue for your child to either use it in an emergency situation or even if they are not talking with you face to face they can use a text package and still be in contact. The wrong perception is being sent here from listeners when they say that all parents should know where there 12 - 13 year old kids are and that the phone is just a avenue for them to do something wrong. Kids can be kids but they can also be shown the responsible way at the time when they are kids. Give them an opportunity to show they can handle it. Pay as you go is over once you run out of monies, you then need to replenish so if they use it all quickly they will learn quickly not to do it again if you show them right.
No way!!! Kids are spoiled rotten these days! Not untill they are responsible to pay their own bills!
My oldest son got his at almost 18, but he was working part time since the age of 16. And my 15 year old is NOT getting one until he is about 17-18 and is financially responsible.
my girls were each 14 when they got their cell phones. I don't have one .... and don't want one. They are very resonsible with them. We guy them the 'top up' cards. The phones were $49 each and I put $15 cards on each month. $10 gives them unlimited texting Cda and US Wide and the other $5 rolls over each month -and is MY air time... if I need to contact them. They were at the age when socializing with their friends is important to them. I am also able to 'text' them from my PC at work.. to remind them of appointments, etc. It takes me less time than calling them at home, etc. Neither of them have abused the $5 that is my air time. They both use their phones only for texting and it costs me $15 a month to know that I can reach them anytime - anywhere. They are now 15 and 17 and still love the fact that they have phones, even if only for texting. Finding the right plan is essential!
I would like to preface this comment by first stating that I am 25 years old and a female. You may pass judgment from those facts if you wish.
I grew up in a household that has had many cellphones. When I was in elementary school, my parents bought their first cellphone, a large water-bottle cellphone. Then, there was the 2-pound flip cellphone, the 1-pound non-flip cellphone, the slimmer flip, but still-could-not-fit-in-any-pocket cellphone. And then one day, my parents purchased a phone that was small even by today's standards. It was a Motorola StarTac and legitimately cool-looking.
This new, cool, small cellphone came into my life when I was in high school and in Grade 12. I was 16/17 years old at the time. There were a few times that my mother gave me this cellphone because she wanted to reach me during the day and leave a message without going through the school secretary. So, I kept this cellphone carefully hidden in my backpack - yes, hidden because I didn't want my friends and classmates to know that I had this cellphone. Why did I hide the cellphone? Because I was embarrassed to have it!! Sure, all my friend's parents had cellphones, but none of my friends did. While the cellphone itself was cool, I would have so not been cool for having it.
My parents bought me my first cellphone after I started University. I became less shy about having a cellphone as general cellphone use increased. But did I need a cellphone even when I was 18 years old? No, and I certainly did not need one anytime before that. Growing up, I talked and gossiped with friends using the home phone. I was never anywhere where I did not have access to a phone to use, whether it be at school, a friend's house, or any other place where there were land-line phones owned by someone that would let a child/me borrow it when I asked politely. I always found a way to let my parents know where I was. Children and parents always need a plan of what's to happen when, where, and if x, y, or z.
In Canada, most of us live in a modern era with running water, washing machines, electric heat, automobiles, telephones, and computers. The modern world has clouded the distinction between necessities/rights and luxuries/privileges.
It's disappointing that kids and adults alike have become so liberal with the word "need". I admit that I am not an exception to this trend, but I do think a lot of the time that if it wasn't for work or the lack of a land-line phone, I probably wouldn't "need" a cellphone either. CHILDREN DO NOT "NEED" A CELLPHONE AND GUESS WHAT? - THEY KNOW IT (remember, you knew that too when you were a kid). Save that 30, 40, 50 dollars a month (and many wasted hours of sending and reading mis-spelt text messages) and put it toward their university fund or a school or recreational program that will better him or her, make him or her feel better about himself or herself so that she or he does not feel the "need" for a luxury as badly. When children/people possess earned self-esteem (e.g., "Wow, I'm a really great kid because I worked really hard to be really good at this), they possess less feelings of entitlement.
On the other hand, if your child never asked you for a cellphone of their own and you, as a parent was the one that thought that they needed one, then go ahead, do whatever you may wish.
Well I have not problem with my daughter having a cell phone since she was 12 not 13 1/2 the bill comes to $45.00 month free evenings and weekends after 6 and unlimited texting. My husband and I don't give her an allowance that was the deal if you want a cell phone then the allowance will stop so it works out great for us we can get ahold or her if she is out to a friend if need be. I was givening her alot more for an allowance and now it onlys costs me $45
I have two daughters now 22 and 20 when my youngest was 12 she wanted a cell phone. I said no and she said if I pay for this myself and the bill can I get one. I said with certain rules if you think you can do it ok. she saved for a full year her babysitting money odd jobs whatever then she bought a pay as you go phone from staples and it worked out she found the phone cards a pain but knew with this purchase came responsibility so she learnt to manager her money and use of the phone. I wasnt completely for the idea but in the end it worked for both of us. Its funny how careful of the minutes they use when they have to pay for it :)
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't believe children need cell-phones. Yes, we're in a connected age where, often,, people have multiple devices.
Unlike adult though, children do not have the means to pay for the usage of their toys - and that's all a cell phone is to them, a toy.
I've friends who've worked in support centres for communication companies, and a good deal of the usage complaints were over-usage of minutes from the children's cell phones. Unless your child has a way to pay for their cell phone, they should not have one.
I'm 11 and I want a cell phone but my mom says I can get one nexst year with text.
I completely agree with the majority of the comments with respect to this issue. A 12-yr-old does not "NEED" a cellphone for any reason other than social contacts. I have spoken to so many parents who broke down and purchased cellphones for their kids only to see their school marks head south as they spend the majority of their time "socializing" with friends and school work takes a backseat. Although there is no magic age, I agree that the maturity of the individual is a huge determining factor. Further, in order to teach responsiblity the child should have a job or allowance and should be paying for the "privilege" of having a cell phone. I think that Gerald needs to follow his heart with these decisions. If he does not feel his son should have a phone, he is probably right and should trust his instincts as he knows his son best. Just remember Gerald, this is the first of MANY requests for items your child "NEEDS"--stay strong and good luck!!
no kids dont need a cellphone,not until the start driving far distances. im 19 and still dont have one. you guys survived your childhood without one, why cant we?
I am 38 years old and didn't have a cell phone when I was growing up. For starters they weren't needed. Want to know why? Because parents actually knew where their kids were and didn't let them roam the streets all hours of the night. Parents need to buck up and take an interest in their kids. My son is almost 15 and he doesn't have a cell phone and won't have one until he has a job and can pay the bill.
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