C100 Listeners! Jack needs your help. He sent us an emergency email this morning. Here's how it goes.
My wife just turned 30 . . . and it seems like her biological clock just sped up.
--We've talked about having kids when our careers and finances are in better shape, but unfortunately, that just isn't the case yet. We haven't been able to buy a house in this economy, and we're both still working on our careers.
--I don't want to have kids until things are more stable, but my wife has suddenly decided she doesn't care about all that . . . she just doesn't want to be an "old mother."
--Now she's started pushing me to get her pregnant right away . . . but I don't feel ready, and it's not a decision I want to be rushed into. What should I do?
--Jack, 31
What should jack do. Let us know.
12 comments:
As anyone who has kids knows, it costs alot of money to raise them. If you wait until you are ready financially, you will probably never have kids. If you are in a stable relationship and are emotionally ready, then I say "go for it". Your wife should not worry about being an "old mother", alot of women are waiting, and that is not necessarily a bad thing. We see too often now-a-days, kids having kids, I worry more about them. Good luck, its a big decision, that will be with you for the rest of your life.
If you wait until things are all "inline", you will never have children. Something will always come up. We had 2 "pleasant surprises" when things weren't the way we wanted them...somehow it's working. I would never change a thing!
the fact that jack has to ask c100 if it is a good idea or not tells me that his marriage won't last the pressures of being parents anyway so he may as we git-er-done so he is not too old when he is starting his new life. i am sure they won't be together when the child starts school.
I can see why his wife would be in a hurry to have a baby due to the age she is at; however, I think if they have a baby before both of them are ready, it may cause some stress on their marriage before the baby is born and/or after the baby is born.
I say, if both aren't in agreement, then it's not likely a good time. All we need is another child born into a situation where is was not fully supported. Working with young offenders, this is a no brainer! Kids are hard work and deserve both parents wanting to raise them!
If you love her, say YES ... you will never regret having a child!
As a 35 yr old new mother, I say, if you do want kids, go for it, if you don't, then don't. You will never think you are financially ready, trust me, been there. I sucked it up and said yes to my husband when he said let's try, I would never go back. I would gladly give up anything for my son!!! It's amazing and totally worth every minute!!! I wish I did it sooner and would've had more.
I am expecting my second child in november. I will be 40 when this child arrives. I had my first at 37. Please say Old Mother. Any of the health concerns at 40 existed at 30. Tha ratios have just changed.
If they keep waiting, they could end up being in a position where she may not be able to have kids or needs help in order to get pregnant. She might be better off finding that other "fish in the sea", one wants to go down the same path that she does, 'cause obviously he does not.
Career-wise and finance-wise, you will never be ready for children. If everyone waited for that magical day to come, there wouldn't be many new parents in this life. I think it's more important to have a stable relationship with each other. If you do, go ahead and have children now. If you don't, you should work on the relationship or move on... just my thoughts
I'm a happily married mother of three and grandmother of two. If my daughter had waited I still wouldn't be a Grandma, and I truly love that role!!
Both people should be in complete agreement and if you can't agree- don't do it. You mention that you are both working on your careers- well, I don't know what you both do but usually building a career involves taking on extra projects, working long hours and extended travel to prove yourself. How easy do you think that is with a baby? You both have to be realistic about what you truly want out of life and then work towards your goal. You can have whatever you want- you just can't have everything you want. As for being an old parent- I was 38 when I had our child and it was perfect timing. Both of us were well established in a career, owned a home and AGREED that it was time.
I am an older mother with no regrets, but it is much easier when your younger.
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